Slurpee Declaration of Unity

When in the course of human events, circumstances transpire in which people of divergent backgrounds, persuasions, political ideologies and demagogues alike must unite in the face of discord and strife, for no other reason than it is merely, nay, it is certainly the proper course of action. Let us then, as a nation of individuals, indivisible, a mighty bulwark, stalwart in our protection of life, liberty and the pursuit of the beverage of our choice, be it frozen or hot, unite and embrace, marching ever onwards and upwards, until such a time that we shall reach the summit of flavor and taste satisfaction that can only answer to one name, Slurpee, and I proclaim now, and forever, in front of God and country, from the highest mountaintops to the lowest shores of this mighty and expansive land, give your time, your blood, your sweat, tears and cups, laden to the brim of Slurpees; a noble cause that is the unification of tastes and solidarity in thirst fulfillment. Lo, I extend my hand, an olive branch of flavor, towards our foes full of the confidence in our actions that will lead us all to the promised land of Slurpee satisfaction as we raise our heavenly glasses to the ceiling, toasting each other in spirits and in songs of freedom. While our cups may grow cold, our fingers + brain may freeze as we sample the nectar of the gods together in brotherhood, divided no more by petty, insignificant disagreements. Show me Slurpee and I’ll show you unity


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