Caulk Blauk

I wrote this up as pretty much a Tim and Eric sketch for one of their useless Cinco products.

Scene at a construction site: One guy is readying his caulk gun

Rod (narration, inner thoughts): ‘Ok you can do this, steady steady…’

(Suddenly big burly dude elbows his way in)

Chet: ‘Out of the way! This is a man’s job! Ha-ha’

(Big dude, Chet, proceeds to caulk the job, laughing)

Rod: ‘Oh man, not again, sheesh!’ (Kicks dirt or a can misses obviously)

Announcer: has this happened to you? Do you get caulk blocked at work, or even…at home?

Scene changes to regular house where same situation occurs. This time with a woman caulk blocking.

Bill (looking at something needing caulked) ‘Consider yourself sealed!’

Maude (Bill’s wife) ‘What are you going to caulk with that little thing?! Out of my way…ha-ha’

Bill- ‘Oh no not again! Just like in the bedroom…’

Maude- (stroking caulk gun comically) ‘Oh yeah, that’s what mama needs. rrrraaah’

(Maude looks at Bill as if to say, dude really, you do not satisfy me, sighs)

Announcer: Try the new caulk gun 4000XLT maximizer from Cinco industries Inc, LLC! That’s right over 16in of solid, hard caulk ensures the job, any job, big or small gets caulked right… the first time.

(scene switches to giant dildo caulk gun caulking something. Big construction guy scratches head in disbelief, then flashes grin and gives thumbs up)

Rod- ‘Wow, look at that caulk go! Get your caulk on bro!’

(scene flashes to domestic setting. Same couple is at dinner when a caulk emergency emerges)

Bill: ‘Hang on honey, I’ve got this…’

(Whips out caulk dildo)

Maude: ‘Oh my look at the size of that thing…and the caulk gun too!’

(Brief flash to Rod with tent in pants as he caulks)

Rod: ‘This thing is so awesome, I have a massive boner. Look at it honey! Look at the erection in my pants! Boo ya!’

(Camera cuts to Maude w surprised face, then says oh yeah)

(Announcer appears holding caulk gun 4000XLT.) ‘That’s right you too can caulk anything, order yours today!’
Flash fake 800 number and list of all 50 states including Puerto Rico, American Samoa, Philippians; this thing is illegal everywhere except Alsace-Lorraine.

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