Cab ride in San Diego

The scene is San Diego CA, I had been in town a week to see and participate in my brother’s wedding. All I had left to do is hop in a taxi and get to the airport. Through the power of the internet I can confirm the San Diego Marriott where I was picked up is approximately 4 miles from the airport, should take about 10-15 minutes depending on traffic. Let me tell you that is a just enough time to be creeped out by someone whose job is to drive you wherever you want to go.

It seemed innocent enough, there is a line of cabs and they all take turns. It’s random on both sides. I get into my cab and tell him to go to the airport. He asks the usual cabbie rapport, ‘why are you here, how long, what did you do..?’

I tell him I was in town for my brother’s wedding.

‘Oh are you single?’ he asks.

‘Yes I am.’ I reply, not thinking much of it, I just wanted to get to the airport.

‘Have you ever been to the Barcelona porn festival?’ he inquires nonchalantly.

‘Yes I have been to Barcelona, I love that city.’ I reply enthusiastically, I will talk to anyone about Barcelona.

‘No…that’s not what I asked. Have you ever been to a PORN CONVENTION in Barcelona?’ he repeated, emphasis on PORN CONVENTION, not just the city.

‘Uh no, no I haven’t ever been to a porn convention, much less in Barcelona. I really liked the city, so pretty and there are so many places I’d love to see!’ I state, hoping he will talk more about the crisp sea breeze, La Familia the huge cathedral still being built over 150 years since construction has begun, the trains, the shopping, hell anything other than a porn convention.

‘Brother you have got to go! All the porn stars are there. You can fuck ‘em, too, all of them. Everybody is fucking. You don’t know cause you aren’t in the scene.’ This is true; there was a porn convention in Barcelona:

Right you are buddy, I am not in the porn scene or the fuck porn stars scene. No I am not in either, not even in Barcelona, I think

‘Yeah I don’t know about all that stuff.’ I say as look around hoping to see an airport.

‘I’ve been going for 30 years man. It’s crazy, People fucking everywhere, all day. It’s great you have got to go. There is even a whole city, everybody’s nude. It’s just outside Barcelona.’ He stated and once again, the dude is not making this up,

‘After a couple days, nothing works! You have to nail you dick to a piece of wood to fuck anything,’ he laughed. ‘You know what I’m saying?’

Now I want you to re-read that last couplet. Let it really sink in. Those are the exact words he uttered to me. I know this because they are burned into my brain, seared in there possibly permanently.

We have finally, mercifully stopped at the drop off point so I am sitting there and he is looking at me and I am looking at him. He then asks me to repeat the name of the nude city which I do. He wants me to remember to go there. I cannot actually remember the name of the city, you see my brain was concentrating on the above, previously exchange.

‘Ok, yeah we are here and I’m getting out,’ I say as I reach for the door handle and slide it open. We meet at the trunk and I hand him a 20$

‘Nah man, just keep the change.’ I state hurriedly as I grab my bag from him. Do I shake his hand, I mean he could have recently jerked his gherkin, you know, fire the flesh cannon. He is in ‘the scene,’ after all.  I go ahead and do it because I know I’m going to have to wash my hands, face and everything anyway after that conversation.

Thankfully my flight was boring an uneventful. No screaming kids, no creepy person sitting next to me, no just me and my thoughts about ‘the Barcelona porn convention’ and a nudist city…